Lots of issues happened recently and it just forces me to walk down memory lane....

2 years ago, I was trying very hard to cope with my breakup. At that point of time, I couldn't understand why, despite putting in so much effort, I was still being ditch. I couldn't accept the fact that one could just turn and say he doesn't love you anymore, after 5 yrs. I was angry, disappointed and extremely hurt. I cried a lot, couldn't eat and sleep properly, work myself to death and consume alcohol like nobody business. I lost 9kg in 2 months and was warned by my boss nearly everyday to concentrate at work.

All this continue for approximately three months before I finally wake up my stupid idea and resume back to being human again. Don't ask me what hit me, cause I seriously do not know. Probably its just a overnight thing..that I decided to move on and face my problem like an adult. I took up a course, quit my other job in order to stay focus, cut down on my drinking habits and mingle around frequently with my friends. Of course, things wasn't smooth sailing at the start. I do lapse into depression every now and then. There are also a number of times when I just wanted to see or call him.

But time do heal wounds...I think about him less and as love begins to fade, I see a clearer picture. I learn to understand that no one is at fault when a relationship doesn't work out, cause it takes two to make a clap. I learn to stand in his shoes and respect his decision in giving up the relationship. I learn that its not how much you are willingly to sacrifice but how much your partner is willingly to receive. I learn that the smallest mistake is the worst when you are reaching the end and the biggest mistake is nothing when you are in love.

I learn so much that I become afraid, cause it seems that the more I learn, the more I understand what an illusion love is....it comes and go without warning...But that's what life is all about, you fall in and out of love, meet plenty of obstacles, conquer it and try to become a better person. Some of us are lucky to have friends, families and our loved ones to help us solve issues, but others like me; just have to stand on our own feet. I am not saying that my friends and boyfriend are not helping. Its just that my problem is so complex that at the end of day, I am the only one who can save myself. So rather than hoping for the impossible to happen (for superman to rescue me), I choose to face the reality alone.

Still, I wanna thank the people who are trying to help me in every way. From worrying about my emotions; to looking out for my new home. You guys would never know how much I appreciate it. Yeap, I'm learning to be contented. Lending me a shoulder to cry on, listening to my complains or helping me settle the tiniest problems can probably moved me to tears.

I believe there are ups and down in everyone lives and separation is inevitable. Just enjoy every moment of the time spent together and learn to let go when things happen. The world still rotates even when someone you love; dies. So, learn to love yourself more and be happy over the minimum things, for telling ourself we can....we can.